Records Tumble in Another Great Week

21st May 2017

The third week of the Volfsball season. Had the Stonehewers already sewn up the league? What has happened to the Camden Kongs? None of these questions were answered on another sunny afternoon in May, but we were about to see the greatest 52 seconds of Volfsball in it’s history.

This week marked the return of the Stoke Newington Irish, looking resplendent in their green uniforms and hats and drinking beer, also joined by the Stonehewers, Snakehips, Supermoons and Detectives. Let’s get to it:

Snakehips v Stonehewers

Rob Marland and Hannah Waring announced that Hannah was off to Germany, so the chances of a league championship for the Snakehips were over. Normal squad member Andy Utley wrongly thought Premiership football was more important than Volfsball, so commissioner Larwood subbed in. The Stonehewers fielded their traditional line up that had taken the league by storm.

Things couldn’t have started better for the Snakehips. Larwood hitting a one then Marland scoring an early Volfsball to catapult them into a 6-0 lead. But unphased the Stonehewers played sensible Volfsball hitting ones from around the field, so by the end of the first third the Snakehips lead was down to 7-5.

Gregory Stanier was finding shooting form for the Stonehewers in the next period and the first third ended 11-11.

Into the final third possession based play of the Stonehewers wore down the Snakehips and the league leaders added to their points with a 17-13 victory.

Snakehips 13 v 17 Stonehewers

Stoke Newington Irish v Detectives

The Stoke Newington Irish returned from last season with Tom Bell wearing the green as a guest and Neil Connolly captaining the team. Dean Rodgers was on his way, allegedly with a hangover. Johnny Chiodini returned with the Detectives, sporting two new players Mat Burt and Ste Myott.

Luckily for the Irish the Stonehewers agreed to sub in as the extra player, each of them taking turns each quarter.

The Irish were wearing their traditional hats, underlining the fact that Volfsball is in essence a gentleman’s game.

Ben Stanier was up first to help out the Irish and he accounted for half the points as the Irish surged into 6-0 lead.

The Detectives were struggling to hit the target. Their legendary win against the Stonehewers seemed eons away as they fell 10-1 down. A nice kick from Bell extended the Irish lead and they ended up easy winners. Irish 17 - 2 Detectives.

Supermoons v Detectives

Larwood and Feilder were joined by Snakehips subs - Marland in the first quarter. They quickly shot into a 5-0 lead, and then began trying audacious shots and missing, allowing an improved Detectives side to pull back to 5-3.

Waring replaced Marland for the second third, and Detectives were right back in in Mat Burt finding his form for the Detectives - 6-5 down. Then a ruthless combination punch from Feilder and Waring- rebounding and scoring three quick points in succession followed by a couple of singles by Larwood and the Moons were comfortably up 13-7.

The points continued to roll in the Moons, but the Detectives were now shooting much better - 17-9 with a few seconds left. The Detectives went for A Doppelvolfsball in the last second and it was on target but Rob Marland leapt and denied the last gasp shot.

Supermoons 17 - 9 Detectives

Irish v Stonehewers

Both undefeated on the day, the Irish now had Dean Rodgers to join Neil Connolly and Tom Bell. The Stonehewers dominate early on jumped into a 5-1 lead. Connolly and Bell got the Irish back into to it 5-3, before Ben Stanier hit a Volfsball. 10-4 at the end of the first third, it was about to get a lot worse for the Irish.

The Irish struggled with shooting in the next third only scoring a point. Whereas excellent ball retention saw the Stonehewers stretch their lead to 16-5.

Into the final third the Stonehewers were up 20-5. What followed was a passage of extraordinary play from the Stonehewers Ben Stanier hit a Volfsball, Tom Bell scored a point for the Irish, then another from Stanier on his next play, then another on the next. A hat trick of Volfsballs, incredible play the Stonehewers 35-6 up, then in the next shot Gregory Stanier hit a Volfsball - that’s four Volfsballs in four shots. 40-6. Ben Stanier scoring three Volfsballs in 36 seconds, and the Stonehewers four Volfsballs in 52 seconds. Surely the greatest passage of Volfsball play of all time, albeit helped by some of the worst defending of all time.

Records broken galore - Most Volfsballs in a game 4 Ben Stanier

Most consecutive Volfsball shots - 4 Stonehewers

Most Volfsballs by a team - 5 Stonehewers

Highest Score - 40 Points - Stonehewers

Biggest Win - 36 Points - Stonehwers

Most points in a third - 24 - Stonehewers

Most points by a player - 25 Ben Stanier

Most offensive rebounds in a game - 4 Alex Stanier

Final Score - Stonehewers 40 - 6 Irish

Irish v Snakehips

The best thing to do when falling off the Volfsball horse so badly is to get back on it, and the Irish faced the Snakehips, with Simon Feilder subbing in for the Snakehips first two quarters. The Snakehips went into a 4-2 lead in the first third.

A couple of shots from Tom Bell and the Irish were all square, and it went point for point in the second before Dean Rodgers gave the Irish an 8-7 lead going into the final three minutes.

In the last third Larwood subbed on for Feilder hitting three for three and Hannah Waring added a point as the Irish failed score in the last third giving the Snakehips an 11-8 win.

Irish 8 - 11 Snakehips

Supermoons vs Stonehewers

The Moons drew the short straw and played the team no-one wanted to play - the Stonehewers. Tom Bell commented from the sidelines that the Stonehewers were definitely going to win. Larwood and Feilder were joined by Marland, last years MVP as their sub. It definitely helped - Marland scored two consecutive Volfsballs to help the Moons into a 14-4 lead in the first third.

The Supermoons opted to play conservatively passing around to try and hold their lead. The Stonehewers kept up the good rebounding and it was 15-9 with three minutes to go.

It was a tight marking affair as the Supermoons played defensive passing Volfsball, eeking out the one points. Marland supplying 15 of their 18 points as they handed the league leaders their second loss of the season 18-12.

Supermoons 18 v 12 Stonehewers

Snakehips v Nobodies

The Nobodies made up of Tom Bell (Choppers), Rodgers (Irish) and Burt (Detectives), faced Marland and Wareing with subs from the Stonehewers.

The sun was taking it’s toll and a slow first third saw the Snakehips up 5-3. The second third saw the Snakehips pull away, 10-6 they were looking comfortable for the win, until out of nowhere Dean Rodgers hit a Volfsball - 11-10 Nobodies led.

They extended the lead, up 14- 11 in the final third, then Marland hit a Volfsball, his fourth of the day to give the Snakehips back the advantage and they went on to win the match.

Snakehips 18 - 14 Nobodies

A great day for Volfsball with some of the most extraordinary play in this young sport’s history. Everyone was unanimous in agreement that it is the greatest sport of all time.

		P	W	D	L	F	A	VB's/DB's	Pts
	Stonehewers	11	9	0	2	196	111	8	29
	Harringay Choppers	8	5	0	3	88	89	3	18
	Muswell Hill Supermoons	8	3	1	4	102	95	5	15
	West Wirral Snakehips	7	2	1	4	81	95	3	12
	Waltham Forest Detectives	4	1	0	3	34	79	2	6
	Balham Choke Hazard	3	1	0	2	21	31	0	5
	Stoke Newington Irish	3	1	0	2	31	53	0	5
	London Nobodies	2	0	0	2	18	27	1	2

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