Bethnal Green Lanterns 9 – 4 Harringay Choppers

Bethnal Green Lanterns 9 ­ – 4 Harringay Choppers

Report by Rob Marland

It was the second game of the day for both the Lanterns and the Choppers, and each squad

was reeling from earlier losses. Who would come up trumps in this “Clash of the Shite ‘Uns”?

(spoiler alert: the Lanterns).

First third

A scrappy start to the game was enlivened only by cracking blocks from Thom “No thanks,

mate” Saunders, on loan to the Lanterns from the Choke Hazard. 1­1 at the close.

Second third

The second period witnessed the biggest controversy of the season thus far, as Tom Bell of

the Choppers was called for a no­-go area infraction for blocking a shot when his foot was

where it shouldn’t have been. Bell, in typically feisty form, denied his boot was anywhere

near the no­go area: “I was miles outside the circle, Marek!” he whined. But the ref was not

to be gainsayed and Commissioner Larwood awarded a penalty to Bethnal Green. Later

inspection of the footage by forensic analysts proved that Larwood’s call was correct, leaving

Bell’s reputation in tatters.

Later in the third, Matt Stronge and Paul McGarrity tussled for a loose ball on the

defensive/offensive line. Neither would release their steely grip on the spud, and volfsball’s

first ever jump­ball was called. Larwood, quite literally making the rules up on the spot,

decreed that the first player to touch the ball would gain possession. He launched the ball

into the stratosphere and it was Stronge who flew up to pluck it down. At the end of the third,

the Lanterns were leading 5­3.

Third third

Aggressive play continued into the final phase of the game, as a loose Lanterns’ rebound

sent Tom Bell leaping to the earth like a hydrophobic salmon. Thom Saunders wiggled his

foot in the vicinity of the ball, McGarrity joined his captain in the muck, but it was Matt

Stronge who came up smelling of synthetic leather as he retrieved the ball and launched it


As the clock wound down, Bell took a punt at the hoop in what could have been a game-
winning shot. It wasn’t to be. The Lanterns took it 9­4, securing their first victory in the All
Comers’ League.

 ShotsHits%PtsPPSBlks/IntOff RebVolfsballs
Matt Stronge (Lanterns)966750.56100
Thom Saunders (Lanterns)922220.22410
Tascha Unger (Lanterns)822520.25000
Tom Bell (Choppers)1232530.25100
Paul McGarrity (Choppers)60000100
Ray Bullock (Choppers)412510.25200