-
FINAL
CHP
SNA8
12 -
FINAL
KON
HAZ7
4 -
FINAL
TIG
SNA25
15 -
FINAL
CHP
LAN4
9 -
FINAL
KON
MOO9
13 -
FINAL
TIG
HAZ29
7 -
FINAL
CHP
SNA1
9 -
FINAL
LAN
MOO17
18 -
FINAL
KON
TIG9
25 -
Final
HAZ
SNA4
11 -
FINAL
HAZ
SNA11
10 -
FINAL
TIG
MOO12
13 -
FINAL
SNA
MOO13
14 -
FINAL
HAZ
TIG11
7 -
FINAL
SNA
TIG4
18 -
FINAL
HAZ
MOO7
5
-
FINAL
HAZ
CHP5
9 -
FINAL
SNA
MOO13
24 -
FINAL
HAZ
CHP17
21 -
FINAL
TIG
MOO14
6 -
FINAL
HAZ
SNA25
17 -
FINAL
KON
CHP14
10 -
FINAL
HAZ
CHP8
8 -
FINAL
HAZ
KON14
13 -
FINAL
GER
KON18
10 -
FINAL
KON
MOO24
12 -
FINAL
GER
MOO16
14 -
Final
SNA
MOO16
10 -
Final
SNA
MOO19
15 -
Final
SNA
MOO19
18 -
Final
MOO
GER22
4 -
Final
SNA
GER13
9 -
Final
KON
MOO13
7 -
Final
KON
MOO13
15 -
Final
KON
MOO6
9 -
Final
GER
MOO4
17 -
Final
GER
KON6
14 -
Final
KON
MOO6
12 -
Final
KON
MOO12
5 -
Final
KON
MOO10
19 -
Final
KON
MOO7
12

Balham Choke Hazard 4 - 7 Camden Kongs
- Updated: May 10, 2016
Report by Rob Marland
In the penultimate bout of the day, both teams lusted after their first win. But by this stage, all
the volfsballers had sunstroke and were playing like they’d been smacked on the head with a
brick. The match officials were also drunk.
First third
As the sun scrambled their brains, the Choke Hazard and Kongs reeled about the pitch,
hoisting up shots that never had a chance of grazing the prism. Mandy Saunders and rookie
Martin Cavanagh both picked up two points apiece, and John “Hairy Octopus” Reed swatted
two blocks. But, to sum up, a lame third. Somehow the three match officials credited the
Kongs with an extra point, which livened it up a bit.
Second third
In the second, the ref incorrectly awarded the Choke Hazard a point, putting the score at 5-3
Kongs when it should have been 4-2. So that was fair. Cavanagh picked up another two
points and the reigning MVP, Reed, scuffed one at the buzzer. 7-2 Kongs (8-3 on the day).
Third third
Thom Saunders started the final period with a huge block near the inside of the defensive
circle. Honest Thom, perhaps eying the sportsmanship award, owned up to a nogo
infraction that he hadn’t committed. Luckily the ref had sobered up by this point, and called
for play to continue. The third also saw great hussle from Mandy Saunders, who flung
herself on the baked earth and never without a good reason.
Greg Nixon, who at this point was 6-0, found himself open and discharged the ball with
extreme prejudice: point, Nixon. His next two pops were also on target, but were denied by
the hirsute mollusc, John Reed. Refusing to be intimidated, Nixon essayed a 5 pointer over
Reed. Absolute mustard. We’re talking pure Dijon from the man in yellow. But the volfsball
was instantly debited from Nixon’s account as it was adjudicated that he had travelled just
before unleashing his shot. It was 7-3 to the Kongs but the ref, by now several bevvies in the
red, decided it was 9-4. Pissed is not the word.
Mandy scored a onepointer at the buzzer to bring the final score to 7-4 in favour of the
Kongs, with the tally as recorded on the day -95. It was the biggest scoring cockup in
volfsball history, and it was pure luck that it didn’t change the result. Rob Marland of the
Snakehips, who compiled the game stats, said “we need to incorporate advanced scoring
technologies into the game. Maybe a pen and pencil.”
Shots | Hits | % | Pts | PPS | Blks/Int | Off Reb | Volfsballs | |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Thom Saunders (Choke Hazard) | 7 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 |
Greg Nixon (Choke Hazard) | 9 | 1 | 11 | 1 | 0.11 | 2 | 0 | 0 |
Mandy Saunders (Choke Hazard) | 12 | 3 | 25 | 3 | 0.25 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
John Reed (Kongs) | 14 | 3 | 21 | 3 | 0.21 | 4 | 0 | 0 |
Martin Cavanagh (Kongs) | 10 | 4 | 40 | 4 | 0.4 | 0 | 1 | 0 |
Neil Hobbs (Kongs) | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |